We are in full swing of wedding season. I’m actually going to officiate a wedding myself on July 4th. While I’m always excited to marry couples, I often wonder if people really take time to consider why they are getting married. When coaching couples, I sometimes ask the question “why did you get married?” or “what influenced to you get married?” Usually, I hear “I was in love.” Sometimes I hear “it was the next logical step in our relationship.” People have many different reasons they give. However, the one reason I rarely ever hear is “because I really wanted to be married.”
Wanting to be married is vital, regardless of why you married. I know most people think the primary reason is to be in love. But, from what I know about successful marriages is that the couple want to be legally married. In other words, they are willing to subject themselves completely to the institution of marriage. This motivation is the firm foundation required to build and maintain a successful marriage. Without the desire to be married, no other reason will be sufficient, not even being in love. For instance, I had a client who loved his wife dearly, but he simply did not want to be married any longer. Another couple who came to in 2011 to officiate their wedding decided to get married because she became pregnant. Unfortunately, she miscarried. When they came to me for coaching six months after their wedding, I asked them if they wanted to remain married. They both said they valued their vows and want to make the marriage work. I was able to coach them through their issues. They remained married, and a report they are doing well.
Therefore, to know if you should get married depends on one factor, do you want to be married. As long as you are motivated to commit to your marriage vows, you have a chance to build upon your marital foundation. You are also more willing to work through any issues when you are focused on having a successful marriage. So, should you get married? Only if you truly want to do so.