Many marriages go through a dry season. A dry season can be described as a period of boredom, little to no intimacy or sex, complaints of not being “in the mood,” and/or increased tension and conflicts. Also, there is a breakdown in communication. Dry seasons can be a function of relationship monotony because you have been together for so long and simply take each other for granted. It can also be triggered by life events, such as financial problems, new baby, new job, or deteriorating health. Additionally, infidelity, unresolved relationship issues, and falling out of love with your partner can increase a dry season and even end your relationship. However, regardless of the cause, if a couple wants to put an end to their drought, it is important to take action.
The reason for the dry season dictates what actions you will take. For instance, if it’s relationship redundancy, you and your partner may try to reignite your passion by doing something new. However, if the cause is infidelity or falling out of love, you may opt to discontinue your relationship or change the terms of its arrangement. Either way, in order to find happiness and feel emotionally hydrated again, something must be done. Therefore, you and your partner must work towards the outcome you want to achieve in your relationship.
For general relationship dry spells:
- Just doing something new or exciting will help end the drought. For instance, have a date night somewhere you have never been, go salsa dancing, or read each other erotic poetry.
- Try a new sexual position or experiment with non-sexual intimacy exercises.
- Work with a relationship coach to help you brainstorm and develop strategies to improve your communication skills, or come up with ideas to get your relationship on track.
For life-events that trigger the dry spell:
- Determine what the obstacle is creating or triggering the dry spell and work towards solutions to resolve the issue. For example, if the trigger is financial, work on establishing a budget or managing your debt. If it’s a new baby, new job, or increased responsibilities in any area of your life, work towards alleviating the stress by getting support, or developing time-management strategies.
- If unresolved relationship issues are creating the dry season, obviously, you and your partner must challenge yourselves and work thorough these obstacles. A life coach can certainly help you here too.
- Health issues that cause a dry season must be managed in order to get your relationship back on track. The unfortunate thing is that medicines and the stress of an illness can certainly decrease your mood for intimacy and hinder your communications with your partner. Working with your healthcare provider to adjust medications, or find alternative treatments to manage symptoms can significantly make a difference. Working with coach or a counselor, depending on the seriousness of the psychological impact your health is having on you, your partner and the relationship, can also help.
For serious relationship issues, such as infidelity and falling out of love
- If you are unable to move past emotional pain, or if you are unable to rebuild trust, and feel the relationship is not worth salvaging, then it is important to address the next steps for your relationship. This may be difficult, but coming to a firm conclusion may be necessary to move forward with your life and finding happiness.
Remember, the ultimate goal is to end the dry season. Accepting that these dry seasons occur, and addressing triggers directly will move you into new and exciting phase of intimacy and communication in your relationship.
What strategies have you used to end your dry season?